By Sue
A continuation of the episode A Walk in the Woods. My thoughts on what may have happened over the next 24 hours following Copper’s return to Follyfoot.
Supper that evening was an awkward affair, at least for Dora and Steve. For despite the good humoured banter and the messing about that was going on between Ron and Hazel, Dora and Steve sat glumly in their usual seats by the side of each other, only occasionally exchanging quick glances before looking away in opposite directions. They had hardly spoken to each other since Steve’s pleading speech that morning, except for a few work related questions which usually culminated in brusque one worded answers. The silence between them had not gone unnoticed by Slugger, who tried to lighten the atmosphere by making the young couple at least acknowledge each other’s presence.
‘Dora, will you please pour out Steve’s tea for him.’ he turned his focus to Steve. ‘Pass her your mug, son.’
‘It’s okay, Slugs, I don’t want any, thanks.’ He spoke directly to Slugger and not to Dora who had already picked up the teapot. She dropped it back on the table with a frustrated sigh, shooting Steve an annoyed look. He didn’t look at her but kept his gaze firmly on the pepper pot in the middle of the table. What did he think it was going to do, she thought, jump off on to the floor and run out of the door?
Slugger cursed Steve’s stubbornness as he started to dish out the ‘toad in the hole’, which unusually consisted of a beautifully raised ‘Yorkshire pudding’ even if the sausages were a little overdone.
The rest of the supper time passed in silence, as Ron and Hazel also sensed the chilly atmosphere and the dark aura that appeared to be around their friends as they sat opposite them. Ron stole a quick look at Slugger and raised his eyebrows; he shared the older man’s concern and exasperation over Dora and Steve. For the sake of everybody they needed to sort things out once and for all between themselves, he said silently to himself.
For a brief moment towards the end of the meal, Dora’s spirit lifted slightly as she felt Steve’s leg against hers, as she had done many times in the past when they sat so close to each other and when she moved hers even closer, he didn’t move his away. She so wanted to put her hand on his knee and squeeze it reassuringly, to let him know that everything was okay between them, but her hand stayed firmly above the table, holding her knife so tightly that her knuckles were almost white as she toyed with her food, she wasn’t even hungry.
Directly after supper, Steve made his excuses, left the table and walked out of the kitchen without a backward glance, even when Hazel shouted out ‘goodnight’ to him. A few minutes later Dora left in the same sullen manner, leaving the others looking bewilderingly after her. Ron shrugged his shoulders, a knowing look on his face as he started to argue with Hazel as to who was going to clear the table.
Dora stood in Copper’s stall gently rubbing him down and talking soothingly to the bay horse. He was more settled and a lot happier now he was back at Follyfoot after his ordeal in the woods. And so was she, she had hated the one night that he had been missing, not wanting to believe that she wouldn’t see him again. How would she have coped if it had been one of the people of Follyfoot that had gone missing, she wondered. Would she have been so devastated if it had been Steve? Of course, she would she told herself. But then it was unlikely that Steve would ever go missing, she hoped to God not, anyway.
Her worry over Copper now diminished, she began to recall the harsh things she had said to Steve, and how she’d ask him to go when all the time her heart had been tearing itself apart. She felt ashamed that the notion had ever entered her head; Follyfoot wouldn’t be Follyfoot without him. Her mind went over the words he had spoken to her that morning, he had said that he needed her, more than he’d needed anyone before, his voice begging her to let him stay. If she had listened to her heart she should have turned round to face him, should have opened her arms to him and welcomed him into them, telling him she wanted him to stay but she hadn’t, she had kept her back to him defiantly and only nodded briefly in acknowledgement of his words. Why she had just stood there, she didn’t know? Perhaps it was because other people were around may be listening and watching, whatever the reason, she had uncharacteristically allowed her head to rule over her heart. She hoped she would have the chance to make amends before it was too late. Before she really did lose him.
Opening the top door of Copper’s stable she looked out across the yard, even in the fading light of the evening, she saw him immediately standing under the tree, his hands stuffed into his pockets in the familiar pose she knew so well, his back leaning against the rough bark of the tree and his face up turned, looking up into the branches.
Steve stared at the many green leaves that were now dotted about in the top most branches, recalling that it was only a year ago that he first discovered the one small shoot, that Dora had taken as a symbol of her new life here at Follyfoot. His thoughts at once turned to her. He closed his eyes and sighed heavily as her pretty face appeared before him. He grimaced as he recalled the look on her face and the shaky tones of her voice when she had told him to go. He tried to convince himself that it hadn’t been Dora talking, not really. Despite their frequent disagreements and arguments, the Dora he knew would never tell him to leave. When he had threatened to leave before hadn’t she begged him to stay? Surely they couldn’t have grown that far apart that they meant nothing to each other anymore.
At least she hadn’t argued against him this morning, and appeared to have conceded to let him stay. If only he could have seen her face, and looked into her beautiful hazel eyes to tell if she really had meant it. But, no, she had just stood there and he had had to talk to her back. It had frustrated him like hell. He wanted to tell her to look at him, had wanted to grab her by the shoulders and turn her around to face him, so she see that he meant what he had said about needing her. But something had stopped him and he didn’t know what? He so desperately wanted to put things right with her, to be the friends they had once been but his stubborn pride had got in the way again. He had so many insecurities from his life before Follyfoot hanging over him but he knew he couldn’t go on using his troubled past as an excuse anymore. For goodness sake, he was a grown man now, he needed to bury the past and start again, learn to love, if only Dora could bring herself to help him, if only he could bring himself to ask. And he really needed her to help him. He breathed in deeply, savouring the picture of her that had remained there behind his still closed eyes.
Her soft-soled plimsolls made no sound on the cobbles so Steve had no idea she was beside him until her hand gently rested on his arm. His eyes sprung open and he swung round, suddenly shaken from the far away place he had been in.
‘Steve, we need to talk.’ Her voice had a nervous tone about it.
‘Why? So you tell me to go again!’ He retorted as he pulled away from her and, looking away, ran his fingers through his thick dark hair.
‘Please! Steve!’ she spoke softly. There he goes again, she thought, always on the defensive.
Rubbing his hand over his mouth and chin, he turned slowly back to face her and spoke more quietly, regretting his previous words and harsh tone.
‘Dora, you know more than anyone, how much this place means to me. It’s my home, the only real one I have ever had. I don’t want leave, girl. Please…please don’t make me, don’t send me away.’ There was shakiness in his voice and his dark eyes pleaded with her. She saw the sadness and the pain in them that brought a lump to her throat and tears once again to her eyes.
She replaced her hand tenderly on his arm and squeezed it gently. She waited anxiously for him to pull it away again but to her relief, he didn’t.
‘I won’t. I promise. I don’t want you go, ever. I’m…sorry for some of the things I said. I was confused, hurt and angry. Follyfoot needs you Steve.’ She turned away from him, to hide the tears that were now rolling down her cheeks. She wished she could control these damn tears, every conversation recently with Steve seemed to culminate in them. She wanted to show him how grown up she could be but they gave her away every time.
‘Don’t you turn your back on me again, girl.’ Steve said, placing a hand on her shoulder and pulling her around, a little roughly, to face him. ‘Is it just Follyfoot that needs me?’ he asked his eyes looking straight into hers, despite the tears they were still the most beautiful eyes he ever seen. He held his breath as he awaited her reply.
‘No, not just Follyfoot. I need you too, Steve, very much. You said I was the strong one but I’m not, Steve, not without you, I need your strength too. I need you to help me, share things with me, and share Follyfoot with me. I’m sorry if I’ve been selfish lately. I realise now that Follyfoot isn’t just me, it’s everybody, including you, especially you. Please help me. I want things to be as they used to be.’ She wiped the tears from her face with her fingers.
He breathed a sigh of relief and blew out his cheeks.
‘I don’t know if anything can be the same as it used to be. Time doesn’t stand still, Dora. It changes things and people… but not necessarily in a bad way. Some changes are good and inevitable. If you want to me help, to be a part of all this.’ He gestured around the yard. ‘You have to trust me, and at least listen to my opinions and ideas. If I suggest change it’s for the good of Follyfoot…for you. I only want what’s best for the horses and all of us. Despite what you may think, girl. I have dreams too.’ He paused as if trying to find words to explain how he felt then he continued.
‘Oh, they may only be of the mountaintop, but it’s beautiful up there, the air’s clear and you can see for miles. When you been as low as I have and seen the depths I’ve seen, the mountain top may just as well be as high as the sky. My dreams, Dora, are for the farm to start and pay it’s own way, not to have to rely on your uncle, and for it to earn us a decent living. Think about it, girl, if we can bring in money with training and schooling, we would be able to help many more ‘Barneys’ and ‘Ladybirds.’ We would be able to feed and look after them properly, without worrying where the next sack of oats coming from, or how the bills are to be paid. My dreams are for us, for you and me to run Follyfoot together! Or am I too just… chasing a rainbow?’ He laughed softly and shook his head.
Dora shook her own head. She had been listening to him with such intensity that she hadn’t moved, in fact she hardly breathed or blinked but had kept her eyes focus on him. She hadn’t argue with him and didn’t need to because she knew what he said was true and made perfect sense. Didn’t he nearly always make perfect sense if only she’d listen to him? And from now on she would, she promised herself.
‘And as for saying I hate all the time.’ He continued once more. ‘That hurt. It’s just not true.’ He sighed and took a deep breath. ‘ I want so much to be able to love as you do. It’s not easy for me. I need…I need your help for that.’
He took hold of her arms and gripped them gently but firmly, a nervous smile on his face, his dark eyes burning into hers. The lump had returned to her throat and she swallowed hard to stop it choking her and becoming a sob. Finally after several seconds of just standing there, their gaze focussing only on each other she was able to speak.
‘I want to climb your mountain with you, Steve. We may not always take the easier route, but as long as we’re roped together, I know we’ll make it to top. We have to start again, don’t we? Not right back at the beginning but we have to put the last few weeks behind us. Rekindle and renew the friendship we used to have, we still have?’ She shivered slightly, the sun had all but disappeared and the night’s chill air now blanketed the farm.
‘Tomorrow’s another day. It will be fresh start for us, a brand new day. What do you say, Steve?’
He nodded. ‘Yeah.’ He rubbed her arms against the cold. ‘You’re shivering, you’d better go in.’ He looked towards the farmhouse.
‘Won’t you come in for a minute? Say goodnight to the others?’ she asked.
‘No, it’s okay. You say goodnight for me. I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Dora. We’ll both sleep better tonight, eh.’ Letting go of her arms, he brought a hand up and gently stroked her cheek that was still damp from the tears before bringing it quickly down to his side, smiling at her, his eyes conveying warmth and hope for their future; he slowly turned and walked away in the direction of his loft room.
‘Goodnight, Steve.’ She called after him, putting a hand up to her cheek; she smiled to herself, still feeling the gentleness of his touch. Her previously heavy heart now lightened. She was encouraged and relieved by the look she saw in Steve’s dark eyes, an image she took with her as she made her way back to the farmhouse and her own room.
Dora yawned as she skipped quietly down the stairs the next morning, after the best night’s sleep she had for some time. Steve had been right. She entered the kitchen to find Slugger already up and about as usual and the fire blazing, its flames warm and welcoming as always, here was one place that never changed.
‘Morning Slugger.’ She said cheerfully. There was a light heartedness about her voice as if a big cloud had been lifted from her.
‘Morning, girl.’ Slugger replied as he turned from the stove kettle in hand, to greet her with a smile. He was pleased to see that she was looking and sounding more like the old Dora.
‘No Hazel, is she still asleep?’ Slugger asked while pouring the hot water into the teapot.
‘Yes, I think so.’ Dora stood by the window and looked out into the yard, her thoughts suddenly so far away that she hardly noticed the gentle rain that was falling from the small grey cloud above, even though the sun shone brightly glinting on the window above the tack room that had now captured her gaze.
Slugger followed her gaze as he stood by her side, his fatherly hand resting lightly on her shoulder. His presence was always a comfort to her.
‘Did you sort out things with him last night?’ the old man asked quietly.
Dora looked around at him and frowned.
‘I saw the two of you by the tree, you looked to be ‘aving a rather deep conversation.’
‘I hope so, Slugs.’ She reached up and patted his hand. ‘Yes.’ She added more confidently.
‘Good. Because you need him and you know it.’ He removed his hand and turned back to the table, stirring the tea in the big earthenware teapot with a dessert spoon.
Dora rubbed her hands up and down her arms nervously. ‘Yes, and I didn’t realise how much until…’ she paused swallowing hard. ‘I only hope he can learn to forgive me for ever thinking about sending him away.’ She turned back to the window as tears prick her eyes.
‘Now, now girl, no more tears. I’m sure he’s forgiven you already. ‘Ere, why don’t you hold out a olive branch to him and take him his cuppa, you haven’t done that for awhile, have you?’ Slugger poured hot, strong tea into a mug and handed it to her.
‘No, I haven’t, have I? I do miss seeing him first thing in the morning.’ She turned around again and smiled wanly at Slugger. ‘What would I do without you, Slugs?’
‘What would you do without him, more like. I’m getting old, girl. I’m not always going to be here but you and him are young, you’ve got a lifetime ahead of you both. A lifetime together… isn’t that what you want? Now go on.’ He nodded towards the yard. He didn’t wait for her to reply to his question because he already knew the answer.
Dora took the mug and with a big smile for him, headed for the door and Steve. Slugger watched from the window, his arms folded across his chest as Dora walked quickly across the yard, dodging the raindrops, her hand held carefully over the top of the mug to stop the rain watering down the strong tea. She had a spring in her step that Slugger was sure hadn’t been there for sometime.
Dora paused nervously at the bottom of the stairs leading from the tack room to the loft then gathering her thoughts, quietly made her way up them. On the landing she stopped, seeing Steve standing by his bed, still dressed in his blue pyjama bottoms and a white t-shirt, looking straight at her. Had he seen her from his window, she wondered and had been waiting expectedly for her.
‘Morning, Steve.’ She managed a shy smile and walked slowly towards him as he took pace or two closer to her.
‘Morning, Dora.’ He answered her softly, running his fingers through his tousled hair. ‘You look a bit wet,’ he added noting the wet spots on her jumper.
‘It’s only a short sharp shower.’ She found herself stuttering nervously. ‘I’ve brought your tea.’ She held the olive branch disguised as a brown mug out to him.
‘Ta.’ He reach out and took it from her, his fingers lingering on hers as their eyes met and held for a few seconds, each seeing hope from last night still reflected in the others eyes.
Steve smiled at her and sighed. ‘Dora, I’ve…erm… missed having you bring my morning tea to me.’ He said looking down and running his finger around the rim of the mug.
‘So have I, Steve. I could start and bring it to you again every morning if you want’ He looked up at her and she smiled back at him, catching the old twinkle that he used to have, the one she knew and loved, in his dark eyes once more.
Loved, she had loved him and still did, she was sure of that but for now she grateful to have him back as a friend, a friend she needed so very much.
‘I’ll wait for you downstairs, if you like.’ She said eventually breaking the silence between them. He frowned at her and she chuckled softly.
‘While you get dressed.’ She said pointing at his pyjamas.
‘Oh, yes, I’d better do that, don’t want to frighten the horses dressed in my night clothes.’ He said with a nervous laugh. ‘And I’d like for you to wait for me. Thanks.’ He added.
She turned and walked back down the stairs as Steve watched her from the landing, his heart thumping with relief (or was it love!) she obviously meant what she had said the day before about never wanting him to leave.
Dora stood in the doorway of the tack room looking out on to the yard, the morning sun shining on the cobbles, wet from the light rain that had fallen and that had now ceased, making them appear to made of glass. Her thoughts went from Steve to the farm and the horses and then back to Steve again, they had both needed that olive branch like they would need the rope to bind them together as they climbed that proverbial mountain, something for each of them to hold onto and to join them. One day, she hoped they wouldn’t need it at all and that they would become close enough to hold on to each other instead.
Steve had dressed in double quick time and within a few minutes was standing at Dora’s side. He hesitantly placed an arm around her shoulders and squeezed her gently. Feeling her slight warm body next to his made him feel good.
‘There’s your brand new day, Dora. And over there.’ He pointed into the distance where a multi-coloured arc hung in the sky. ‘Is your rainbow, do you want me to help you catch it?’ He said softly, following her gaze.
She glanced up at him and snuggled closer to his warm body, she breathed in the scent of his freshly applied deodorant, even when mixed with ‘eau de horse’, she always loved the way he smelled.
‘Our brand new day, Steve, not mine, ours. We share things, remember. And as for the rainbow, I think I’ll admire its beauty from here and reach for something more obtainable, something that is always there and solid like the mountain top.’ She sighed and lent her head against his shoulder, feeling his strong arm tighten about her. It would take time but she was sure, if they worked at it, and she knew they would, that everything was going to be just fine.
The End.
© Sue Hirst 2006